Q. How do you drive an accountant absolutely insane?
A. Tie him to a chair, and fold a road map up wrong in front of him.

Q. Why did the Accountant cross the road?
A. To bore the people on the other side!

Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realises he does not have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
A: They find bookkeeping too exciting.

Q. Why do audit firms only have 10 minute coffee breaks?
A. If the breaks were longer, they'd have to retrain all the staff.

Q. Why do Accountant's make good lovers?
A. They're great with their figures.

Q. What is the difference between a CPA and a shopping cart?
A. A CPA holds more beverage.

Q. What do you call an Accountant who marries an Actuary?
A. A Social Climber.

Q. What does an accountant use for birth control?
A. His personality.

Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and an honest accountant are locked in an officewith a bag full of cash: $1,000,000 in small bills.
Q. What happens?
A. Nothing, they are all fictional characters.

Q. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A. Depletion.

Q. What does an actuary do to liven up a party?
A. He invites an accountant.

Q. What does CPA stand for?
A. Can't Pass Again.

Q. How do you know if an accountant is an extrovert or introvert?
A. An extrovert looks at your shoes when talking to you, an introvert looks at their shoes when talking to you.

Q. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A. Jail.

Q. How can you tell when an accountant owns a used car lot?
A. She keeps turning back the gas gauge.

Q. How can you tell the difference between an actuary and an accountant?
A. The actuary is the one with a personality.

Q. How does an accountant deal with constipation?
A. He works it out with a pencil.