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Democratic Jokes

Short Democrat Jokes 3

    A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:

    Artists' Brains $9/oz
    Philosophers' Brains $12/oz
    Scientists' Brains $15/oz
    Republicans' Brains $19/oz
    Democrats' Brains $2,000/oz

    Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, "My those Democrats' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many Democrats you have to kill to get a ounce of brains?!"

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    Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
    A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?

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    If all the Democrats were laid end to end

    a) it would be a good thing
    b) they would be more comfortable
    c) they would never reach a conclusion
    d) all of the above
    e) none of the above
    f) they would point in different directions

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    The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced that they were going to start using Democrats instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the Democratic National Committee was outraged and filed suit, but NIH presented some compelling reasons for the switch:

    1) NIH lab assistants become very attached to their rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a Democrat.
    2) Democrats breed faster.
    3) Democrats are much cheaper to care for and PETA won't object regardless of the experiment.
    4) There are some things even rats won't do.

    Drawbacks: It is difficult to extrapolate test results to human beings.

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    Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.

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    A guy walks into a DC curio shop. While browsing he comes across an exquisite brass rat. "What a great gag gift" he thinks to himself. After dickering with the shop keeper over the price, the man purchases the rat and leaves. As he's walking down the street, he hears scurrying noises behind him. Stopping and looking around, he sees undreds, then thousands of rats pouring out of the alleys and stairwells into the street behind him. In a panic he runs down the street with the rats not far behind. The street ends at a pier; he runs to the end of the pier and heaves the brass rat into the Potomac. All of the rats scurry past him into the river where they drown. After breathing a sigh of relief and wiping his brow, the man heads back to the curio shop, finds the shop keeper and asks, "Do you have any brass Democrats?"

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    They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.

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    For three years, the young Democrat took his vacations at a country inn. He had an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the child would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and we finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than an Democrat."

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    Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a conservative Democrat, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

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    A wealthy Democrat had a summer house in the Maine woods. Each summer he'd invite a different friend (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two. On one occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian to stay with him. They had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning they went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch along came two huge bears. The Democrat dashed for cover. His friend wasn't so lucky and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The Democrat ran back to his car, drove to town as fast has he could, and got the sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch with the Democrat. Sure enough, both bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the Democrat, pointing to the male. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
    "Whatd'ya do that for?!" exclaimed the Democrat, "I said he was in the other!" "Yep," said the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a Democrat who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"


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