The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."

The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."

The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

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Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

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Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

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A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS".
"G.O.O.D" answered his wife.

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The Programmers' Cheer

Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

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"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."

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If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL.
If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT.
If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL.
If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.

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Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

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The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.

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Q: Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
A: Because it is below C level.

Q: What is an example of a never halting program?
A: Friedrichs and Magnus in front of an open elevator, each saying "you go first".

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Q: Why Client Server Computing is like Teenage Sex

A1: It is on everybody's mind all the time.
A2: Everyone is talking about it all the time.
A3: Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
A4: Almost no one is really doing it.
A5: The few who are doing it are: