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Programmer Jokes

Short Programmer Jokes 3

    1. In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
    2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
    3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
    4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
    5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
    6. And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
    7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
    8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
    9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.
    10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
    11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
    12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
    13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.
    14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.
    15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !
    16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
    17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.
    18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
    19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.
    20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

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    CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
    CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
    PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
    ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
    SCSI: System Can't See It
    MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
    DOS: Defunct Operating System
    WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
    OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
    PnP: Plug and Pray
    APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
    IBM: I Blame Microsoft
    DEC: Do Expect Cuts
    MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
    CA: Constant Acquisitions
    COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
    LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
    MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
    AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
    WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

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    Murphy's Laws of Computing

    When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
    When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
    The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
    When the going gets tough, upgrade.
    For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
    He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
    A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
    The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
    A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.


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