Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?
Pupil: The sausage!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

Teacher: Your new here aren't you, what's your name?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.
Teacher: Why is that?
Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because his class was so bright!

Q: Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
A: He couldn't control his pupils!

Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?
Pupil: Nobody I know!