A guy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he wonders, "how am I gonna get more cash?" Then he gets an idea. He calls his father.

"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! They actually have a program here that teaches sock monkeys to talk!"

"Why that's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get one in that program?"

"Just send me a sock monkey with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course." So his father sends a sock monkey and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. So the boy calls his father again.

"So how's the sock monkey doing, son?" his father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - now they have a program here that will teach a sock monkey to READ!"

"READ!" says his father, "That's amazing! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." So his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his father will find out that the sock monkey can't read or talk. So he shoots the sock monkey. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's the sock monkey? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some bad news. This morning when I got out of the shower, the sock monkey was in the living room kicking back in the recliner and reading the Tribune, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked 'So, is your father still messin' around with that blonde that lives over on Lake Shore Drive?' "